1 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,641 ( sighs ) 2 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,510 ( winces ) 3 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,413 Stupid. 4 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,849 ( yawns ) 5 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,022 ( sighs ) 6 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,391 Well, wasn't that a splendid trip?! 7 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,659 - Shh! - Shh! 8 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,396 Golly jeez, Vivian. 9 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:31,332 My head is splitting open. 10 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,202 Know what you mean. I feel like my brain is swelling up. 11 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,071 Oh, so it's finally the size 12 00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,507 of a normal human brain now? 13 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,342 This comin' from a woman who thought 14 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,911 andquot;How to Get Away with Murderandquot; was gonna teach you how. 15 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,180 Hey, man, speaking of murder, 16 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,848 ain't we missing somebody? 17 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,351 Mm, my brother. Todd's still at the craps tables. 18 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,720 If he doesn't come home in the next few days, 19 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,022 I might start thinking he has a gambling problem. 20 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,860 Oh, Vivian, lower your voice, please. 21 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,096 Girl, why aren't you hung over? 22 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,797 I stayed hydrated. 23 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,933 It's the most important thing you can do. 24 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,205 I'm also not hung over. 25 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,640 You're not hung over, Donnie? 26 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,608 Nah, I'm still drunk. 27 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,744 - ( gags, vomits ) - Ohh! 28 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,449 * Woke up, and my wife said to me * 29 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,651 * andquot;The bill collectors want their pieceandquot; * 30 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,120 * Kids keep talking back to me * 31 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,788 * Family time 32 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:33,127 * Family time, family time, family time. * 33 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,937 Whew. 34 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,439 Eh, I guess what happens in Vegas 35 00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,475 really does stay in Vegas, like Todd. 36 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,977 Must have been one hell of a night. 37 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,980 ( slurps ) 38 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,817 I don't remember anything from Vegas. 39 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,320 Oh, all I remember was that-- 40 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:03,090 that cocktail waitress that was Vivian's friend. 41 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,359 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. 42 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,860 She kept giving us free drinks. 43 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,597 Right. That's why we were so drunk. 44 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,931 How did you know her? 45 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,933 I told you, 46 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,569 the Nevada State Correctional Facility for Women. 47 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,372 Oh, that's right. 48 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,441 We found out she did six months in prison. 49 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,709 For what? 50 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,777 Fiduciary misbehavior 51 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:27,114 that involved electronic misappropriation of funds. 52 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,616 Credit card fraud? 53 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,118 Tomatoes, tomahtoes. 54 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,720 No offense, Vivian, 55 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,456 but I just don't see you as the prison type. 56 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,291 Well, neither did the other inmates, 57 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,228 which is why I was forced to do unspeakable things 58 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,663 on my first day just to command their respect. 59 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,966 They called me andquot;She-Shank, but I digress. 60 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,802 Honestly, I'm way more afraid of Vivian now... 61 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,405 and a lot more attracted to her. 62 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,473 Didn't something happen to Lori? 63 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,242 Aw, man. 64 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,143 So she met some guy at a casino, right? 65 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,412 I'm thinkin' he was a sheik or somethin', 66 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,982 'cause, honey, he took me shoppin' at the outlet mall. 67 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,017 The outlet malls. Whoo! 68 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,354 Making it rain. Giving you FUBU. ( laughs ) 69 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,090 Y'all just gettin' a real giggle out of this. 70 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,192 I'm confused. Are y'all jealous 71 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,262 'cause my man treated me like a queen? 72 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,029 Your man? 73 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,365 Boo, that was Vegas. 74 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,066 You ain't gonna never see him again. 75 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,535 And what about the ceremony? I mean, this whole Vegas trip 76 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,003 was so that Lisa and I can renew our vows, 77 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,438 and I don't even remember that. 78 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,408 All I remember is us all being in a chapel. 79 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,710 Hmm. 80 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:30,711 ( slurps ) 81 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,347 I remember a minister. 82 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,715 Oh, wait, or was that Elvis? 83 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,917 Both. 84 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,218 No, I remember somebody kissing. 85 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,753 I just found a photo album 86 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:43,424 from the Vegas Hitch and Ditch Wedding Chapel. 87 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,859 I don't remember, but at least I have pictures. 88 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,728 Okay, okay. Let's see. 89 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,162 Oh, my God! 90 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,601 - What's wrong with you? - No! 91 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,536 Whose weave is on fire? 92 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,570 W-what happened? 93 00:03:56,604 --> 00:04:01,108 No! Donnie, what did you do?! 94 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,044 Donnie, I think you and Rachel got married. 95 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,880 Now I remember. I bought you guys wedding rings. 96 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,482 It was my credit card this time. 97 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,785 No. 98 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,554 Well, congratulations, you guys. 99 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,788 Mazel tov. 100 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,156 - ( sobs ) - ( clapping ) 101 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,658 Shut up, She-Shank. 102 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,998 Now, I know I was drunk, but I couldn't have 103 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,000 possibly been drunk enough to marry Donnie. 104 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,069 Heh. I hope we got drunk enough 105 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,071 to consummate the marriage. 106 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,507 It ain't that much liquor in the world. 107 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,309 Here's the marriage license. 108 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,011 Tony and I signed as your witnesses. 109 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,147 Simple mistake. The minister was already there 110 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,082 to renew Tony and Lisa's vows. 111 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,584 Okay, okay. No big deal. 112 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,918 No big deal, all right. 113 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,654 We just accidentally got married. 114 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,856 I'm sure this thing happens all the time in Vegas, right? 115 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,424 We'll just-- we'll just get it annulled. 116 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,192 Absolutely not. 117 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,761 Not how I was raised. 118 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,597 No divorce. No annulment. Marriage is for life. 119 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,499 ( laughs ) 120 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,000 You can't possibly think 121 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,602 this marriage is gonna work, Donnie. 122 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,304 Why not, baby? You know, I'll provide for us... 123 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,607 once I get a job. 124 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,108 But, I mean, until then, 125 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,677 you know, you could provide for us. 126 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,145 ( laughing ) 127 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,522 Did you forget, little detail, 128 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,157 that I-- ahem-- I like women? 129 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,995 Did you forget the little detail that I do, too? 130 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,963 We got so much in common! 131 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,499 The man has a point. 132 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,635 Where are you goin'? 133 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,170 To tell my mama her baby boy got married. 134 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,974 We're not married! 135 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,476 Don't you call that woman! 136 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,678 Girl, I just can't believe 137 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,880 Rachel married worse than you. 138 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,149 I can't believe you married-- 139 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,651 oh, that's right. You're not married. 140 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,686 ( laughing ) 141 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:58,492 My husband Todd is gambling our life savings away. 142 00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:00,761 I'm sorry. I know that wasn't part of our conversation, 143 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,663 but it's just where my mind was. 144 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,998 I'll show myself out. 145 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,935 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go, too. 146 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,437 I've got a date. 147 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,439 With your baller boyfriend? 148 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,940 Oh, yes, baby-doll. 149 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,508 Hey, I remember my man. 150 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:18,278 Tall, light-skinned, green eyes, rich, yes. 151 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,683 Um, baby, I'm kind of bummed 152 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,917 that we didn't renew our vows. 153 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,018 Well, at least we had 154 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,454 a fun Vegas trip out of it. 155 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,121 Vegas is more for you. 156 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,757 You weren't saying that at the blackjack table. 157 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,224 - I didn't play blackjack. - Yeah, well, 158 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,926 I played enough for the both of us. 159 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,896 By the way, we might not be able to send Devin to college. 160 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:39,800 We've already been through the fact that he ain't goin' anyway. 161 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,535 Okay, you know what? 162 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,936 - Ohh! Ow! - Oh. Uh-oh. 163 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,237 - What's wrong? - Ohh. 164 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,606 - Mm. Hangover. - You okay, baby? 165 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,240 Kneeled down too fast. I'm good. I'm good. 166 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,576 ( clears throat ) 167 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,078 Lisa Stallworth, 168 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,080 will you make me a very happy man 169 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,414 and renew our vows this weekend? 170 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,083 No trip this time. 171 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,118 I'll hire a pastor to do it in the backyard. 172 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,087 ( chuckles ) Yes, Tony. 173 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,655 - Mm. - Yes, yes, 174 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,090 a thousand times yes. 175 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,726 All right, now help me up. 176 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,227 - You know, I-- - Uh-oh. Okay. 177 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,597 Yeah. You know I got knees like Derrick Rose. 178 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,236 Now, Tone, I'm a bit confused. 179 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,840 I thought you and Lisa were already married. 180 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,609 Come on, man. We're not getting married again. 181 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,076 We're just renewing our vows. 182 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,078 What's the point? You already did it once. 183 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,914 Because it's romantic. 184 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,917 Oh, he lookin' for romance. 185 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,920 All you gotta do is you do some of that stinky cheese, hmm, 186 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,454 some cheap wine, 187 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:37,190 and then you get it crackin'. 188 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,759 That's what I do. 189 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,128 But I don't need no help gettin' it crackin', bro. 190 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,596 I just need help writin' my vows. 191 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,264 Ooh ooh! What up?! 192 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,133 Stop everythin', fellas. 193 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,201 Ain't nothin' important right now except for me, man. 194 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,137 - I got some big news. - Donnie, Donnie, 195 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,805 you do not have to make an announcement 196 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:54,207 every time the McRib comes back. 197 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,143 This ain't about the McRib, man. 198 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,648 I'm a married man, brothers. 199 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,282 Oh, okay. Okay, what-- 200 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,884 Hold up. Wait a minute, Donnie. 201 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,319 You got married, and your boy didn't get an invite? 202 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,821 Ah, because there wasn't a real weddin'. 203 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,156 Oh. 204 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,791 Hey, Tony, you better stop with all that 205 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,192 andquot;it wasn't a real weddin'andquot; nonsense, man. 206 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,127 It's on paper. It's real. 207 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,328 So who's the unlucky lady? 208 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,297 Hah. Glad you asked. 209 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,067 Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mrs. Donnie. 210 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,836 ( entry bell chimes ) 211 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:23,837 ( gasps ) 212 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,906 Wait a-- ( laughs ) 213 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,407 You married Rachel. 214 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,042 That means-- 215 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,644 ha ha! Wait a minute. 216 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,246 Donnie is your brother-in-law. 217 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,748 Ah, don't remind me. 218 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,685 Listen, Donnie, the only reason I'm here 219 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,087 is to get you to sign these annulment papers. 220 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,156 Uh-uh. Can't do it. 221 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,692 Marriage is for life. 222 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,493 You are my wife for life. 223 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,662 But we didn't even consummate the marriage. 224 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:49,897 Heh. Yes, we did. 225 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,365 Hah. 226 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,001 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How-- 227 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,036 how do you know we did if you don't remember? 228 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,238 How do you know we didn't if you don't remember? 229 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,641 And the tie goes to the runner. Can I get some? 230 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,577 Donnie, this is very important. 231 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,778 Did you, or did you not? 232 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,114 - Yes, I did. - No, he didn't. 233 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,782 Well, hold on. This is an easy fix. 234 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,184 Just consummate again. 235 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,686 I'm game. 236 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,955 ( scoffs ) I'm goin' back to the lawyer. 237 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,591 But, baby, wait! No-- 238 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,027 one second. 239 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,528 Hey, baby, wait now! 240 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,963 If we gotta bring other women 241 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,431 into this marriage to make this work, 242 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,833 that's a sacrifice I'm willin' to make! 243 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,037 I'm a team player... 244 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,239 from the Himalayas! 245 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,242 ( laughs ) 246 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,214 You know what's weird? 247 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,984 I was the one who originally pushed for this vow renewal, 248 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,886 and now I'm havin' a hard time writin' mine. 249 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,621 What's weird about that? 250 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,958 How can anyone be expected to write nice things about Tony? 251 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,893 Oh, Lori, I just love your new scarf. 252 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,228 ( laughs ) This old thing? 253 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,397 Oh, no, that is no old thing. 254 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,566 Isn't that the scarf we saw a couple weeks ago 255 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,235 and you said you wanted, but it was out of your budget? 256 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,004 Well, a couple of weeks ago, it was, 257 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,673 but not now. 258 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,241 Oh, don't tell me your little baller got it for you. 259 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,810 Honey, if I have to tell, 260 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,478 you don't need to know. 261 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,846 Okay. 262 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,082 ( women chuckling ) 263 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,316 What you guys up to? 264 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,818 Not much. 265 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,653 Now, Aunt Viv, 266 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,488 is it true that you went to prison? 267 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,691 Is that why you got on all them stripes? 268 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,192 Did you shank anybody? 269 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,260 Okay, now, kids, what did I tell you two 270 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,862 about asking rude questions? 271 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,530 No, no, no, it's all right. 272 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,365 The children are just curious. 273 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:36,103 Yes, I did go to prison for doing a bad thing. 274 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,938 Now who wants to see my prison tattoo? 275 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,206 Ooh, me. 276 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,841 I normally cover it up with tattoo makeup, 277 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,510 - but there it is. - Ooh, Viv. 278 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,845 You have a prison tattoo. 279 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,013 Four. 280 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,547 Well, Todd loves it. 281 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,017 It makes him feel like he married a bad girl. 282 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,119 Hmm. Teardrops. Aren't those supposed to be 283 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,620 - under your eyes? - yeah. 284 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,188 Well, not on this gorgeous face. 285 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,690 - I think not. - Okay, kids. 286 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,625 That's enough. Go do your homework. 287 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,162 But we want to hear stories from the Big House. 288 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,831 Lisa, allow me. 289 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,135 ( chuckles ) Sweet children. 290 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,137 Homework now! 291 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,371 Sorry, Aunt Viv! 292 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,674 I think they're more afraid of you 293 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,176 than they are of me. 294 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,211 If you had to do what I did to survive 295 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,380 in the slammer, you'd be scared of me, too. 296 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,383 Okay, how 'bout we move on? 297 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,885 Lisa, read to us what you've written. 298 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,686 Oh, okay. 299 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,356 andquot;Tony, there are no words.andquot; 300 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,825 And...? 301 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,693 And that's it. There are no words. 302 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,165 I mean, all this vow writing's 303 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,200 got me thinkin' that maybe I don't even know Tony. 304 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,035 Well, Lisa, keep it simple. 305 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,905 Just put what's in your heart on paper. 306 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,174 Yeah, but I keep coming to a blank. 307 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,176 So, I mean, what does that mean? 308 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,078 Am I sleeping next to a stranger? 309 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,579 Do I even love him, 310 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,015 or am I just with him out of convenience? 311 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,516 Convenience? I thought 312 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,018 you were with him out of pity. 313 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,252 Lori. 314 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,321 I say it with love. 315 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:07,761 Well, can I least get an estimated time of arrival? 316 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,596 No? Damn it. 317 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,064 I mean, darn it. Sorry, Pastor. 318 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,700 ( sighs ) 319 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,302 Ooh, all right, all right. ( laughs ) 320 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,604 All right, all right. Mm! ( laughs ) 321 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,738 Thank you, baby. 322 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,707 Um, everything okay? 323 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,242 Oh, yeah. The pastor's runnin' late, 324 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,444 and my parents aren't gonna be able to make it. 325 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,479 They gotta go to Vegas and bail Todd out again. 326 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,248 - What-- - But don't worry. 327 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,283 This is our day. Everything is gonna be perfect. 328 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,785 - ( groans ) - Mm-hmm. Mm. 329 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,553 Now, I wrote some pretty awesome vows, 330 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,055 if I do say so myself. 331 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,456 ( chuckles ) You gonna love 'em. 332 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,457 How'd yours come out? 333 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,793 Uh, great. 334 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,829 They came out really great. I think you'll love 'em. 335 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,397 Nice. So is there anything I can help you with? 336 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,733 No, everything is pretty much taken care of. 337 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,069 The kids have been a really great help. 338 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,637 You talking about our kids? 339 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,672 How'd you get our kids to help? 340 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,241 Would you like a andquot;horse d'ver 341 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,176 It's pronounced hors d'oeuvres, dummy. 342 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,145 Hey! No arguing in front of the guests. 343 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,513 Let's move it. Keep going down the chow line. 344 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,082 Let's go. 345 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,184 Hmm. Wow. 346 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,752 Tony: I see. 347 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:09,089 Ah, aha. 348 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,590 So this is the place, huh, baby? 349 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,992 I likes. I likes. 350 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,229 Hey, baby, where's that crapper at? 351 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,532 Ahem. It's right there, through there. 352 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,534 - Excuse me one. - Um... 353 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,937 who is that? 354 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,705 That is my date Mac. 355 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,775 Your date? Where on planet Earth did you meet him? 356 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,377 I met him in Vegas. 357 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,279 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 358 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,214 Is that that baller that we've been hearing about all-- 359 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,050 Yes, I must say he is. Ahem. 360 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,286 He doesn't look like much of a baller to me. 361 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,621 Well, you can't judge a baller by its cover... 362 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,990 - Hoo, Lord! - Lisa. 363 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,292 Hey, look here. Don't nobody go in there 364 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,627 for about 25, 35, 365 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,962 45 minute. 366 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,463 And you're out of toilet tissue. 367 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,965 Hey, how y'all doing? I'm-- 368 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,733 Mac?! ( gasps ) 369 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,835 Is that you, Bambi? 370 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,570 - Bambi?! - What the...? 371 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,306 Well, before I went by Vivian, 372 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,741 I went by Bambi. Everybody has a nickname. 373 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,576 I thought your nickname was She-Shank. 374 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,413 Well, that was strictly on the cellblock. 375 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,049 Mac, I haven't seen you in forever. 376 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,417 - Mm. - Bring it in. 377 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,818 - Baby, you-- ehh! - Bring it in. 378 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,221 - What the...? - Oh, wait a minute. 379 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,923 That's enough bringing it in. 380 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,558 Now how on Earth do the two of you know each other, anyway? 381 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,193 Well, Mac and I worked together 382 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,828 in the credit business back in the day. 383 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,829 Oh, yeah, yeah. 384 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,331 Yeah, funny story. 385 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,832 Oh, Bambi-- I mean, Vivian-- 386 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,500 y'all gonna love this one. 387 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,669 It was actually my statement 388 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,771 that got her put away and me the deal. 389 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,941 Wasn't no sense the both of us goin' away. 390 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,276 - Ha ha! - ( laughs ) 391 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,245 - That is a funny story. - Oh, Lord. 392 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,812 I was wondering who dropped dime on me. 393 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,384 I'm a hustler, baby. 394 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,919 Look, Jay Z, 395 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:49,356 you tryin' to tell me all this ballin' me out 396 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,857 and buyin' me things-- 397 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,359 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on now. 398 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,893 I had some sucker's credit card. 399 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,428 I still live with my mama. 400 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,966 Matter of fact, I'm gonna need that scarf back. 401 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:02,202 You mean you had the nerve to hustle me? 402 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,971 Look, everybody gets hustled. 403 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,439 Preachers, pastors, doctors, you name it, they all hustlers. 404 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,041 I just happen to be good. 405 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,709 You ain't that good. 406 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,212 Hey! What's up, everybody? 407 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,713 Who's Colonel Mustard? 408 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,382 Friend of the family, baby. 409 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,284 Nice to meet you. Anybody seen my wife? 410 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,886 I think she went to get something out of the kitchen. 411 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,321 Cool. 412 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,057 So, Mac, was it? 413 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,593 You got any more of them Bambi stories you can tell us? 414 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,562 Oh, there you are. 415 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,065 Yep, here I am. 'Cause a few minutes ago, 416 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,733 I remembered that I was married to you, 417 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,735 and immediately I needed a drink. 418 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,738 Hah hah! Always with the jokes. 419 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,707 Reminds me why I married you in the first place. 420 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,310 ( sighs ) What do you want, Donnie? 421 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,811 Is that any way to talk 422 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,513 to your soon-to-be ex-husband? 423 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,747 What? 424 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,749 Yeah, I actually decided 425 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,185 to sign the annulment papers. 426 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,989 What made you change your mind? 427 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,424 I've done some pretty desperate things 428 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,591 in the past to get girls. 429 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,661 Heh. One time, I actually adopted a kid 430 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,130 just so I could meet single moms. 431 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,799 You should have saw the look on Tiberius' face 432 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,136 when I took him back to the orphanage Monday mornin'. 433 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,137 He was like... 434 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,141 Can you get to the point, please? 435 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,443 Look, what I'm sayin' is I'm not desperate enough 436 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,211 to force somebody to marry me against their will. 437 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,217 Even though I would have been a great husband to you. 438 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,292 Oh, and for the record, 439 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,694 I can't confirm this, but in my mind, 440 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,496 we made them bedsprings sing. 441 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,302 And then I was like, andquot;Damn, Bambi, 442 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,803 you ran her over with your car.andquot; 443 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,539 She was the one that ran under my car, like... 444 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,641 Mac: Well, you were gangster, kid. 445 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,677 Now, does Todd know about any of this? 446 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,479 Oh, how do you think we met? 447 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,981 Oh, he was one of the jurors on my trial, 448 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,650 and he voted guilty, and he felt bad about it, 449 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,153 so he kept putting money on my books. 450 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,722 - Yeah, he was a blessing. - It was so sweet of him. 451 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,923 - Ahh. Well... - ( phone rings ) 452 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,093 That is crazy. Oh! Oh, hey. 453 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,594 Hello. Yes. 454 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,862 No. No. No, no, no. 455 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,264 You can't do that to us. We-- 456 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,434 Pastor canceled. 457 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,269 Guess we're not gonna get our vows renewed. 458 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,604 Oh. 459 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,608 Well, that's all right, baby. 460 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,576 We can do this without a pastor. 461 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,745 I just wanted it to be done right, Tony. 462 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,748 And between this and the whole Vegas fiasco, 463 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,684 I don't know. Maybe it's a sign we shouldn't do this. 464 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,386 See-- oh. 465 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,522 Y'all need to start lockin' this door. You know what? 466 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,557 I'm gonna pop in here one day and rob y'all 467 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,058 just to keep y'all on y'all toes. 468 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,761 Now can we get this whole thing under way? 469 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,396 'Cause I got a domino tournament at 11:00. 470 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,132 Not now, Rodney. 471 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,234 The pastor just called and canceled. 472 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,769 Oh. Y'all need a pastor? 473 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,037 ( Rodney laughs ) 474 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,240 Old Rodney is a licensed minister. 475 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,307 You are? 476 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,409 Yes, I am. 477 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,245 I was at the crib one day, you know, 478 00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,546 watching the TV pastors, 479 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,148 one of them dudes, 480 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,915 Creflo Jakes, T.D. Dollar, one of them, 481 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,484 and I said to myself, 482 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,886 andquot;Heh. Hell, Rodney. 483 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,388 You can do that.andquot; 484 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,889 So I went online. 485 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,591 Boop boop, bobbity bip bop. 486 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,993 ( snaps fingers ) Bam! I'm ordained. 487 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,728 All right, baby, let's do it. 488 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,763 - Let's do this. - ( organ playing ) 489 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,331 Dearly beloved, 490 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,233 we're gathered here today 491 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,836 not to join these two in holy matrimony, 492 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,339 for they are already joined in that sense. 493 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,007 - ( murmuring ) - Amen. 494 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,609 But we are here as friends and family 495 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,279 to watch them take vows 496 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,247 that they have already taken, 497 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,749 vows that, had they decided not to do, 498 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,285 we could be goin' somewhere else, 499 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,786 - you understand? - Praise God. 500 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,854 - Vows that-- that-- - Rodney! 501 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,122 Rodney: My bad. 502 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,126 Which brings us to our vows themselves. 503 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,396 Tony, your vows. 504 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,300 Not the muffin, boy. 505 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,805 ( clears throat ) 506 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,874 andquot;Lisa, no words can adequately capture 507 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,177 how you complete my life. 508 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:07,180 You are the wind beneath my wings, 509 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,049 the yin to my yang, 510 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,485 the Hennessy to my juice... 511 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,486 - Ah. Mm-hmm. - Okay. 512 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,988 and I vow to always 513 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,857 be the Kobe to your Shaq.andquot; 514 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,826 - Hmm? - Pre-2004, of course. 515 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,028 - Of course. Yes. - Beautiful. 516 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,296 We got chills. 517 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,797 ( sniffles ) That was beautiful, Tony. 518 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,132 Ah, heavenly. 519 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,034 Lisa... 520 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,337 your vows. 521 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,840 andquot;Tony, from the moment I saw you, 522 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,343 you had me at 'hello.' 523 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,078 And I said, 'Hello. 524 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:42,415 Is it me you're lookin' for?' 525 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,584 I knew it was only a matter of time 526 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,119 before you became my endless love. 527 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,989 I let it be very clear, 528 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,492 then made you an offer you couldn't refuse. 529 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,594 Because you need people, 530 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,063 and people who need people 531 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,198 are the luckiest people in the world. 532 00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,534 And as you know, 533 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,503 people make the world go round, 534 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,605 so, Tony, 535 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,007 here's lookin' at you. 536 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,976 We'll always have Vegas.andquot; 537 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,246 Real quick, 538 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,847 was that just a medley 539 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,383 of movie titles and song lyrics? 540 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,050 You don't want me to answer that, Tony. 541 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,519 No, I want the truth. 542 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,454 You can't handle the truth, Tony! 543 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,955 Hold up. 544 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,524 If Mom can plagiarize her vows, 545 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,793 how come I got in trouble 546 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,396 for plagiarizing my history project? 547 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,563 Boy. 548 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,600 I'm sorry, Tony. I just-- 549 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,067 I didn't know what to write. 550 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,236 I mean, you're my husband. 551 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,806 You're the father of my children. 552 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:43,142 You're my life. You're my entire world. 553 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,811 I really just didn't know 554 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,113 what else I could vow to you. 555 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,316 As long as you vow to keep doin' what you're doin', 556 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,583 it's all right with me. 557 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,319 ( chuckles ) 558 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,620 Mm. Mm. 559 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:54,654 - Okay. - Get it there, Tone. 560 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,255 That's love. 561 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,990 Well, now that we've renewed our vows, 562 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,759 how 'bout we re-consummate our marriage? 563 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,328 - Oh, no, no. - Come on. 564 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,062 TMI, Dad. TMI. 565 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,797 That was a great ceremony, Pastor. 566 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,399 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 567 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,900 - Right off TV. - Bless you. 568 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,902 You know what, Mac? It was. 569 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,771 How 'bout you walk me to my car? 570 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,407 She-Shank would like 571 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,176 to have a word with you about your testimony. 572 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,845 - Do we have to go? - Yes. 573 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,247 That was a beautiful ceremony. 574 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,350 - It was. - Could have been us, girl. 575 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,651 Uh... 576 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,252 slow down. 577 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,255 You got lucky once, but don't push it. 578 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,757 Actually... 579 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,191 you got lucky twice. 580 00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,495 You mean we...? 581 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:38,197 Yeah. Yeah, my memory came back to me. 582 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,699 You actually did hit it. 583 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,034 I knew it! 584 00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:44,504 Was I any good? 585 00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,773 Let's just say... 586 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,275 I won't be switching teams anytime soon. 587 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,111 ( chuckles ) Well, girl, you ain't gotta switch teams, 588 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,646 long as you visit once in a while. 589 00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:56,649 I'll keep the light on for you.